Becoming Independent

Independence image

I’ve started my own company and it’s been up for over a year now.  It’s my company on writing – based on advice from an accountant at Writers Digest – and now I am the sole owner of an LLC business.  I recently left my full time job and that has become a bit of a challenge in a good way.  I am now challenged daily to have a work schedule that will focus ONLY on my work, my business, and making it grow.  I have a fund to work with – savings, really – and I have signed up with a shared office space within which to do the mundane things of putting up my laptop and writing in relative peace.  I can’t always write at home, especially with cats jumping on my desk and wanting a pet, or with my dog snoozing at my feet and getting all antsy once I am astir, to beg for treats at each moment that I’m not stuck at my home desk.

I don’t really miss the work meme – that sort of atmosphere of being amongst people in a company – not yet, anyway.  A friend of mine who worked for a company as a remote employee told me that she missed her cube mates.  But I’m not that sort of person even at work where I liked to chat with cube mates and meet at the kitchen to pour out coffee and comment on the day’s activities.  In my more mature years, that loner label has been cast at my direction more than once.  I accept that, and yet to some, the loner label is anathema.  Why is that?  I don’t know.  I like the idea of going at things alone, yet there is always that Higher Power that moves me and so I really am not alone.  Perhaps, in the work mode, team playing is big and that is what people are comfortable with.  Being a loner at a corporate level is not good, if I read these corporate types right. I can see why, they all need your input, they need your gut feelings on decisions and so on.  I seem to digress but perhaps this is part of the reason why I am going on my own.  I don’t want to have to work for somebody on projects that no longer appeal.

My work then is my writing.  The stuff that my dreams are based on.  I can be sure that if I spend time struggling with a document’s formatting (which I did yesterday with rather desperate results!), I can say that I am working on my stuff so I don’t consider it a waste of ‘company’ time.  I find it hard to think of some (digressing here) documents that are templates really, and make them into what I want them to be.  I think that the time to self-teach (go to and take some short courses on say, Microsoft Word?, lol) is here.  But, I would rather spend all my time learning how to create document templates (stationery, e.g.) than having to create hyperlinks to documents that go to an internal database that would never really be helpful to anyone but the person working on the document.  This sort of thing actually happened at my former workplace.  Imagine hyperlinking almost every word or term in documents for a stretch of days at a time?  No it was time to quit. LOL.

I am grateful for the independence from a job that has become onerous.  I may one day work part time to supplement my business, but that might not ever come because, hey, maybe God will send me a publishing contract (smile).  However it may be in my future, I think I’ll be ok.  I think that despite the risks involved in putting up my shingle at my age, I think I will be ok.  I give all to My God, and to His direction.  That is what keeps me from going into a stark reality that seems to cloud minds and reduce the creativity in this world.

I would suggest those who wish to strike out on their own to do it soon, but to find their passion first. And, more importantly, to ASK GOD for Guidance and Patience.  Things will one day be ok.  But the good part is that getting there will be filled with many moments of fun and good feelings. Imagine yourself in your own place, in your own office, having a cup of tea or coffee, wandering into the kitchen and finding snacks, petting the dog, and then going back to work. I think that’s an ideal life. And an ideal workplace.

The Learning

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The Learning

From the moment of infancy, children are taught to learn about things – eating to survive, crying to get attention, smiling to get more love and attention. Then as toddlers children learn to crawl, then walk, and this is all a process that has gone on from the beginning of all time.  God was there always, giving the child the means to find a way to survive and iive and thrive. When children go to school, there is the learning to make the mind facile and inquisitive.  To watch their teachers and learn what they are taught, to take on the attitudes of their friends and elders.  They sit at home at the kitchen table or dinner table and listen to their parents and grandparents talk of politics, and manners and people who have been significant in their lives. If the children are lucky, there are books to read and devour and learn from to think more, to have the ideas with which to reach for intangible things – life, love, happiness and that one thing that they will always strive for – Heaven.

Yet something gets in the way, doesn’t it?  Have you seen it happen too many times?  Our young children start to follow the wrong things and people.  They ape their heroes and heroines  – they smoke, take drugs, dress like harpies, get into bed too soon with the wrong ones, and then they bring all these hurts and  take them to new relationships and jobs and cities and all of that follows.  Their parents, we – or their elders  – the aunts and uncles – we sit helpless.  We remember how these children are and were, when they were just from the womb, wrapped in blankets and bonnets.  All slightly wrinkled and toothless. Smiling up at someone, not us, but at some other One who looked down at them and gave them that spark of life.

So what happens with the learning?  Where did the learning go wrong?  Who made this learning fall into a pit of snakes?  I do think that smoking is the first thing that happens to a child – it happened to me.  I went to work at a hospital in my first job while in collge.  In that hospital, I was with a group of ICU nurses and staff.  They all would gather in one of the empty rooms and have a smoke.  I was there and felt out of place.  So I smoked too. My Dad found out – my room reeked of smoke and the ashtray was under my bed. He was a calm and authoritative man, and told me to stop smoking.  There was something in his voice that told me that he meant business. And so I did stop smoking.

But what of the others who pass through without an authority figure in their lives, smoking cigarettes then on to weed, then cocaine and then on to oblivion?

These are the ones that you might call “lucky” because their lives are short but miserable.  They don’t wreak havoc on their loved ones, they miss out on the people who would have helped them back on track, they don’t get into more trouble, cause fires, cause heartbreak, or God knows what else.  They learn the wrong things. They reach for the people who tell them this is the Good Life.  They like the fast cars, the big mansions, the easy money, the fashionable houses – the modeling, the grimy cities that promise success.

The Learning I am talking about is the Learning that tells a child that this is the true way and the path to getting OLD.  Yes, OLD.  Why do the young live a short life and then die into oblivion?  Because they made a choice to learn and reach for things that led them to death.  You can do that math – that connection of dots.  Think on your own lives and the lives of those who never made it past 18 or 25 or 30.

Why did I want to talk about Learning today?  Because we all keep learning Something.  What that Something is, is really a cooperation between you and God.  Yes, God.  Here’s that God word again, you say.  Well, it’s true.  Here’s another word – Satan.  A child is a big deal to both God and Satan. Satan wants the children.  He is salivating even now to snatch a child into his clutches and make this child become him and be as evil as sin and as death. There are so many of these seemingly untouched children out there.  They made the wrong choices and reached for the bad things in the world.  And then they use the knowledge that only Satan can give them and make others sad, suffer, or die. Every day.

The Learning is an important concept.  God taught us that first Learning.  In Eden.  Each of us goes through The Learning in our own Eden.  Who is the serpent in your life?  What will you and your children do when the serpent lifts its rattle and tells you to eat that luscious ‘apple’?  Where will you find recourse?  Who will you call to get you out of the pit of vipers?  What will you say or pray?  Will there be grace to give you to pray and call God’s name?  If you do call God’s name, then the Learning will have been successful because God hears you when you utter His name. And He will take you back into His loving arms to heal and forgive.

The Lie

Sacred Heart of Jesus Picture

I am going to go out on a limb and say that the Evil Satan is the Leader of this world.  He is the Father of Lies.  Lie No. 1 – You have to be rich to be happy.  Lie No. 2 – You have to move up in the world to be successful and happy.  Lie No. 3 – You need to be pretty and smart to be happy and successful.  Lie No. 4 – The world is the only place that matters.  Lie No. 5 – The happiness you seek is in drugs, food and sex.

I am sure that I will be pilloried by those who follow these lies and believe in them.  That is not going to stop me at all. There are millions of people in the world who are happy without these things – the trappings of success.  Lies are so rampant that people make concrete structures from them. A building can be a tissue of lies, wrapped with words, documents, products, and profit margins.  It is a lie to think that a company is successful because it has a good profit.

Do you believe everything that is seen by the stock market?  Is the stock market a lie in itself?  Why do people invest in it?  It is a lie too.

We are all sitting on unsteady ground.  None of us are really secure. The Father of Lies webs us all up in his magic and makes us believe he is real and will give you all you need.  This is what WE are up against.  Those who manufacture lies and follow the Evil One are destined to be like the weeds that are burned after a harvest.

Those who feel that they are given a God-given talent and want to pursue success must listen avidly to God’s prodding and making them depend upon His Divine Providence.  This is what God wants from the world.  It is not enough to feel that God is present when you go to daily Communion.  It is more important to feel that God is listening to you and you askHim for guidance.  It is always good to question the thoughts that come to you and make you want something or someone.  Always ask God what to do.  He will answer.

The writing goes on

Yesterday was the first day of my next class in the MFA program.  It’s all about creative nonfiction.  I am excited to start this new class – as much as I was excited at starting the previous class.  I’m a bit more upbeat, this time – none of the anxieties from the last one. Not sure why that is.  Maybe because the texts are manageable – you know, they aren’t needing to be read in seven days – all 400 pages or 600 pages of them (ha ha).  And I’m looking at the writing assignment and it doesn’t seem too hard to do.  But what exactly do I write – something about a place in my past where something significant happened.  But there are many of these places.  And the common theme to them and what significance they had seem to be an unhappy event.  Like, in the kitchen – where things, events, scenes happen.  I can picture some movie where there’s a midnight conversation between a couple. What do they discuss at midnight?  Not a good sign, right?  So, I am still mulling this assignment over.  I have a few days to work on it.  I don’t really want to write about something depressing on my first assignment.  I think maybe I’ll write about our kitchen – the scene where I first kept my small puppy Duke when he joined our family. The crate, the gates at the entrances and exits.  His eager way of jumping and asking for treats. Once, my Dad dropped his blood pressure med on the floor and Duke, being so mouthy, pounced on it and ate it.  Oh, that was a hard day. It happened to be a Sunday.  So we had to take him to the ER at the vet hospital.  Let me say that it was a long day.  They said that they didn’t see anything abnormal with his blood pressure and heart rate.  They offered to observe him for four hours.  I didn’t want to do that – I was worried about the bill.  So, I said that since I used to work in a hospital, I would watch Duke.  And so they gave him some activated charcoal and let me take him home.  He looked pretty much like he wanted to vomit and fortunately, he vomited on his big oversized bed instead of my car seat.  I called my cousin Erwin and asked his advice.  Erwin said, “Walk him every half hour. That might help his blood pressure.” So we sat in the kitchen. For each half hour I’d take him for a walk in our neighborhood.  I’d watch him when he would start dozing – and I’d wake him up, and take him out again for a walk. I felt so tired by the end of the day.  I held him in my arms most of the time.  He was such a cute puppy.  And by the end of the day, almost midnight, Duke was still with me.  Yes, the vet said that the time span to watch Duke would be till midnight.  The kitchen was our little nest for Duke.  These days, if anything dropped to the floor accidentally, Duke won’t be the one to catch it.  He has learned his lesson.  Well, I think I already started writing my class assignment.